'Merica

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Hiroshima

August 6, 1945— It was a muggy August morning as the sun crept over the horizon.  It was foggy and visibility was low.

A stocky bald eagle stumbled into Japanese air space.  He was having a rough morning.  He'd had a little too much Taco Bell the night before and was feeling the consequences.  His stomach was churning as the burrito ripped through his insides.  He faltered in the air as a sharp stomach cramp hit him.

He'd been trying to hold it in until he reached the sea, but he couldn't bear it any longer.  All at once, he relinquished control of his bowel movements, causing fecal matter to erupt from his anus.

This massive shit became known as an atomic bomb.  'Merica.

Merica

Don't mess with 'Merica

5 Bald Eagle Mating Rituals

1. The bald eagle mating song is the Star-Spangled Banner.  
2. When bald eagles have sex, the whole tree shakes, causing the leaves to fall to the ground.  This phenomenon is known as fall.  
3. Bald eagle sperm have drills for heads and can drill through steel, making them the ultimate reproductive species in nature.  
4. Every July 4th, bald eagles take part in a nationwide orgy.  This phenomenon is known as the annual "Fuck you," to Great Britain.  
5. Bald eagle penises have razor sharp edges.  The females like it rough.  

'Merica

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D-Day

June 6, 1944—That day encompasses the greatness of the American fighting spirit.  As the sun rose over the beach of Normandy, an airstrike of bald eagles darted through the summer air.  As they approached the beach, they aroused themselves sexually.  When they reached the beach, they dropped their load, blinding the Fascists bastards.  You see, bald eagle cum blinds its enemies.

Subsequently, the American soldiers were allowed to land on the beach and beat the shit out of the Nazis.